


If I Can’t Have You, Then…

by Valgus



Series: Words of Nations [17]
Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Alternate Universe - Apocalypse, Angst, Drabble, M/M, Mild Language, Tragedy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-30
Updated: 2015-08-30
Packaged: 2018-04-18 02:24:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 835
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4688948
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Valgus/pseuds/Valgus
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Cold War turned into a hot one, sending the earth to its final apocalypse. Among the rubble, America discovered the reason of why Russia had always had his eyes on him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	If I Can’t Have You, Then…

“It’s your fault, you fuck.”

“Amerika, your mouth is dirty, da?”

America really wanted to punch Russia, only that he couldn’t even lift a finger. Above him, the sky was dark with no stars. In fact, he would never see any stars again. Around him, rubbles piled up into mountains of fire and traces of destruction. Shadows danced on Russia’s face, who was as pale as ghost and as weak as wet socks.

No one should ever pile up that many nuclear bombs. But apparently neither America nor Russia had choice. They had to protect people. Wasn’t it ironic that they had destroyed humanity because they had their people to protect? America didn’t know where he started to think that it was normal to create weapon of mass destruction. When did he thought it was started to feel okay to annihilate humanity if that was the only way to keep the world’s peace? Was it because he was the hero? Was the hero within him lived too long that he turned into villain that brought earth into its end?

America wiped the tears behind his broken glasses.

“Is it also my fault, Russia?”

Russia’s voice was only slightly louder than whisper, “Maybe. I am at fault too. I admit that. But…” the rest of his sentence never came out of his mouth.

America waited. After sometime, he laughed, “So this is it, then? This is it? We broke the fucking earth because the cold war turned into a hot one?” The wheat blond nation wept, “You bastard. You fucking bastard.” He no longer knew whether he addressed himself or Russia.

Russia made some rustles noises. The next thing America knew, the taller nation was next to him. His legs were shaking, so did his arms. He fell like a shot soldier next to America, his cheeks were glistening because of tears.

His first words after he used his last strength to move next to America were, “It hurt really bad, Amerika.”

America choked a laughter, “We’re fucking dying. I imagine human’s death is torturous, but for us, it’s probably fucking worse.”

Russia made a cough-like noise. Only a little after he stopped that America realised Russia was laughing as well.

The silence then filled the air. All America could hear was the sound of fire eating the rubbles and the rumble from the dark sky. Maybe black, radioactive rain would come down soon. Maybe that would their end, then.

“Amerika.”

“Hm?” mumbled America tiredly.

“I love you.”

America swore he would turn his head to the big bastard next to him if only he could. But all he was able to do was throw a pathetic glance. Then his chest started to feel very painful real fast. “What the fuck did you say?”

“I love you,” repeated Russia calmly. “I always do—I’ve always been. You’re very lively, you have a lot of friends, you are very happy, very charming, very… Amerika. I’m sorry I destroy the earth because I love you. I think that if I can’t have you, then…” Russia closed his eyes and America could hear tears in his words, “I just want to make you stir… I want to be your match. What could be better match for a hero than a villain? I want you to look at me. I want to be just as strong as you.”

“You’re a fucking dumbass,” America didn’t know how he could sit. His arms were shaking like crazy and he believed that at least of one them was broken.

“If I couldn’t have you, then no one could. That’s why I did all that. I’m sorry—no, maybe I am not. Now we are the last two living things in the earth. Now we are united at last, Amerika. You have spend so much of your time to think about me, haven’t you? I’m so glad. I love you. I always will. Even after this, my soul will find yours and we will always be together.”

America was surprised he could hear all that through his own sobs and sniffles. It was everything that one could ever possibly feel; sadness, happiness, fear… just everything. “I love you too, Russia. I have to be greater than you… than everyone… I have to have you look at me always.”

Russia didn’t react anymore. In fact, Russia could never react at anything any longer.

America wept and grabbed Russia’s stupid scarf. His arm were burning with pain, but he spat at the dead bastard with all his might, “You must find me after this. You didn’t kill six billion humans and destroyed a whole planet for _me_... and _not_ finding me again.”

Then he fell front to Russia’s cold, large, and breathless chest.

Through all the pain and fear of upcoming death, America knew one thing for sure, one thing that set his dying face with heroic yet desperate smile; that he would follow Russia’s cursed ass to the end of hell if he had to.

**Author's Note:**

> Most of RusAme fan fiction I've read is so fluffy, which is a contrast from the most RusAme doujinshi (if not all) I've read. They're usually dark and rather... non-con. Maybe that's how the doujinkas saw the relationship between the two superpower countries.
> 
> This is my first take on RusAme and it isn't exactly fluffy. I think they look and feel cute (ya know what I'm on about) together, but as two nations, they don't exactly have the best relationship. I haven't born yet when the Cold War is over, so all I can do is read documents on how it happened. The tension was really high I didn't know how people could stand it back then.
> 
> Human's reason on building its country to be the best is usually very simple. But what about the nation itself? What about its personification? I thought about that and I thought how maybe they just loved each other so much they didn't know what to do. They had to protect their people as well. That was their job. America had to banish his own caretaker England once, so we know that nation can do things like this in order to protect their people.
> 
> I already have some AUs for this cute pairing, like the one where Ivan is somehow a famous actor for hero roles while Alfred is struggling to be hero but often chose to be villain instead. Of course, they'll meet on a movie and there's some love on the set and stuffs. I don't know whether I'll ever write it, though, LOL.
> 
> Enough of my drabble upon drabble fic.
> 
> I hope you enjoyed "If I Can't Have You, Then..."! Thank you for reading.


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